i don’t have friends at uni

i do not have friends at university and honestly, it’s gut wrenching.

i wake up, brush my teeth, wash my face, take a shower, take the bus and the metro, look for my classes, sit down, open my laptop and start listening to the teacher talking basically nonsense to my ears — i don’t really listen to them. plus, they’re always reading the powerpoints.

hey, i did not wake up this early to listen to you reading your subject!

this is my routine every single day and i’m tired of acting like it’s not eating me up. you’re told early in life that university is to bond with people, make friends, fall in love with your classmate and be sure of your career choice.

yeah……no.

i’m 22 years old and building friendships in your 20s is not easy at all. you feel like you’re already behind everyone else, with no plan or whatsoever.

just like connell waldron from the show Normal People, depression just hit me hard one semester and i never quite fully recovered from it. it slaps you hard when you don’t even feel like you’re in the right place with the right people.

you walk through the long halls and the only thing holding you company is the brutal roar of your internal agony.

you sometimes stop and think for a second “wait, maybe i’m alright” but then you see a group of friends walking past you and you forget about everything positive you said.

you feel alone. deeply alone. lonely, to be exact.

you haven’t said a single word to someone, yet, you feel drained as if someone sucked the life out of you.

nothing prepares you for how lonely university feels like. you have high expectations but you’re let down by your own fantasies.

i blame social media, like always. but i also blame myself because i was so naive about it.

if you’re like me, stuck in your own bubble, you’re not alone. i’m sure i’m not the only person who is like this but it’s reassuring to see other people having the same routine.

but hey, thanks for the connell waldron uni experience! it brings so much to my boring school life.

L :)